Life Lately, Mostly in Pictures

So I don't usually post more photos than words, but this may be one of those times. Just got to catch up a little, and I think my brain is too tired to write more than captions at the moment.

Jared in his favorite birthday beanie, made by my dear friend, Charlotte is the Best! Doesn't he have the cutest smile?

Adam playing in his piano recital in April. He has a lot of musical talent, and he's getting better--despite minimal practicing!

Adam is enjoying another season of baseball, on the Angels this year. I love to watch him play, but it makes for awfully busy weeknights. I've been running around like crazy lately. Thus the tired brain.

Ryan has a nice smile too, although it's sometimes hard to catch in a photo. This was from his 4th grade program about Utah history a couple weeks ago.

Here he is singing a song, with actions, about both ends of the transcontinental railroad meeting up at Promontory Point. It's a really cute program with fun, catchy songs. Starts with dinosaurs and goes through Utah history up to today.

Gathered in Cedar City for my little sister's graduation from Southern Utah University last weekend. I'm proud of her!

My mom specifically wanted a shot of her jumping with her diploma. I think it turned out well!

It was really nice to spend Mother's Day with my mom. She is an amazing woman! I am grateful to be her daughter, and grateful for all the love she's given me over the years.

Dallin showing off for the camera.

Jared, Ryan, and Dallin eating treats at Grandma's house. Couldn't resist snapping this photo.

To Do, and To Become

It's obvious that I haven't had the blogging mojo going lately. Can't say why exactly. Maybe it's just that it's sometimes difficult to pause life long enough to record and examine it. And sometimes it's easier to just do what has to be done without thinking about it too much. Here's a snapshot of what's on my mind at the moment though.

I am a list person. I'm fairly certain it's genetic, from my dear dad. I just feel more organized, more efficient, and less afraid of forgetting something important if (almost) everything is written down. I also like crossing things off when I've accomplished them. I've been known to do something that isn't on my list, then write it on just so I can cross it off. I know, it's neurotic. I've considered trying to break the habit more than once, but the payoff hasn't seemed big enough yet.

Unusual items (as in I don't do these things EVERY week) on my list for this week include--finishing up a grant application for our public library (hoping to get funding for a new building), volunteering at the kids' school for Field Day, getting bids for the garage and bonus room we want to build this summer, preparing next Sunday's Sharing Time for Primary, signing Ryan and Jared up for rec soccer, and trying to figure out how to keep the kids entertained over the long Memorial Day weekend since we don't have any particular plans.

I've also started a mental list of other lists & things I need to be thinking about (See that? A list of lists even. I'm hopeless!)--a list of fun activities to do with the kids this summer, a list of summer menu ideas, a list of summer projects, a plan for the flower beds in my front yard, and a plan for summer chores. I wish I was making lists of books I want to read and pictures I want to take. Those kinds of things just get squeezed into the cracks these days. Actually, I do have a list on Goodreads of books I want to read, but that is like a list for life, not just for this summer.

Finding balance is still the object of my existence these days, but I haven't been stressing about it as much. I don't think I'm any more balanced, but I guess I'm realizing that it's a process, and that's okay. I'm becoming more content with where and what I am (at least for the moment), and I'm learning to trust that if I'm keeping the commandments and keeping my priorities in line with the Gospel and the teachings of living prophets, I will have the experiences I need to have to (eventually) become the person Heavenly Father wants me to be, and the person I want to be. It's also been helpful to look around me at women I admire who are farther along the path of life than I am and notice where their priorities are and how they have lived their lives. Not that their lives have been beds of roses, I'm sure, but that they have become amazing women by doing ordinary things like raising families, and by working through ordinary struggles like trying to find balance in their lives.

Boring?

The other night my husband told me that my blog has gotten boring. Perhaps that is because my life has been anything but boring lately, and I haven't had the time or energy to sit down and write any posts more creative or interesting than short memories from my journal of exciting things that happened to me 20 years ago. Besides, who wants to hear about dishes, grocery shopping, laundry (unless you can write cute poems about it), fixing meals, Primary activities, library board minutes, sacrament meeting presentations, mowing lawns, volunteering in kindergarten, freezing tomatoes and corn and rhubarb, canning grape juice, supervising homework, paying bills, cleaning, giving haircuts, and on and on?

It's not like he's been any less busy. I mean, he hasn't posted anything on his blog since August 16th, so I would argue that technically, his blog (if not his life) has gotten more boring than mine.

What I did today

Showered and dressed
Put breakfast on the table (cold cereal, of course)
Made sack lunches for Jeff, Adam, & Ryan
Trimmed Adam's hair for school pictures & cut Ryan's & Dallin's hair
Got Adam and Ryan off to school
Vacuumed up hair
Helped Jared get dressed
Talked briefly to Mercy on the phone
Did hair with new straightener
Forgot to send school picture money--ran it up to the school
Took Jared to preschool
Skipped yoga class
Ate breakfast (cold cereal, of course)
Checked e-mail and a few favorite blogs
E-mailed Joy on her mission
Bathed & dressed Dallin
Read Dallin a story
Returned books to library
Picked Jared up from preschool
Checked furnace filter
Put cell phone on to charge
Fed Dallin lunch (chicken nuggets)
Cleaned up breakfast
Uncovered tomatoes in the garden
Put sprinkler on tomatoes
Put Dallin down for nap
Ate lunch with Jared (sandwich for him, leftovers for me)
Turned sprinkler off and unhooked hose from faucet
Tried (unsuccessfully) to fix borrowed portable DVD player
Cleaned up lunch
Scripture study and scripture journal
Made and colored paper dolls for Jared
Crashed for a short nap
Pushed Jared & Dallin in double stroller uphill to school
Picked up the ten neighborhood kids and walked home from school (downhill)
Made homemade pretzels for after-school snack
Primary presidency meeting
Made burritos for dinner (with Jeff's help)
Heated pizza rolls and oatmeal for kids that don't eat Mexican
Sent Jeff off to Young Men's
Bathed Jared
Supervised Adam's & Ryan's homework
Dressed Jared and Dallin in pajamas
Read a story to Jared and Dallin
Supervised Adam's & Ryan's baths
Supervised picking up clothes and brushing teeth
Presided over family prayer
Put kids to bed
Cleaned up dinner
Started dishwasher
Washed rest of dishes by hand
Deep cleaned high chair
Took out kitchen and bathroom trash
Picked up living room
Put load of jeans in washer
Picked up toys in family room
Checked news & e-mail while watching rerun of 2nd half of BYU-New Mexico football game
Blogged about what I did today--more than I thought! No wonder I don't get more done.
Put load of jeans in dryer
Tucked kids in
Brushed teeth and washed face
Went to bed

Life Lately

Recent thoughts and happenings, in no particular order.

* There is nothing I absolutely have to get done today. Which means there are a lot of things I should be doing with my "open" day. If a day like this would just coincide with a decision about which project to tackle and the motivation to tackle it, I would be set!

* I was looking for a baby picture of Ryan to use in our Primary class last Sunday. As I dug through boxes of photos looking for the right envelope, the burden of 20+ years of unorganized photos just sitting in boxes weighed heavily on me. I tried to get into scrapbooking once, but I have yet to figure out how to take the time out of living life now to catch up on documenting the life I've already lived. Maybe when the kids are grown....

* I had a couple of lousy days last week--life looked kind of blah and I couldn't put my finger on why. Hormones maybe. But I got through those two days and things are looking up again. I can deal with a down day every once in awhile, as long as they don't go on and on. I just feel bad for my family when I'm having one of those days...nobody likes a grumpy mommy, including mommy.

* The day that life started looking better again, I experienced my first ever migraine headache. Lovely. I have no idea what triggered it. I just know I'll be happy if I can avoid any more of those, and I feel bad for anyone who experiences them frequently. My eyes started doing freaky things and then I couldn't think straight, and then my head started pounding right behind my left eye. Advil didn't touch it. I finally called Jeff and he took off from work early to rescue me. I'm so glad he has that kind of flexibility with his job most of the time. He took care of the kids and made dinner while I went to bed. (He's been making dinner often lately. I love having a husband who enjoys cooking!) When I got up a couple hours later, I was fine, so I think I headed off the worst of it. Whew.

* I got a new pair of shoes last week, which I really needed. They weren't cheap, but they were super comfortable and my mom paid for half of them as a birthday present, so I was happy. Then Jeff told me they look like grandma shoes. Grrrr. I thought they were cute enough. Oh well. They are still comfortable, and I'm not taking them back. But I don't know whether I'm more frustrated at him for criticizing my choice, or more annoyed at myself for not knowing what looks good and what doesn't. My fashion sense is right up there with my interior decorating skills--mediocre. Grrrr.

* I've been exercising on a regular basis for the first time since last May. It feels good to get back to the gym. I've been feeling really out of shape--soft and weak and tired. We got a great deal on a family pass to the rec center through Jeff's employer, so I've been lifting weights and doing the elliptical machine on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have to pay extra to put Jared and Dallin in the childcare room, but they enjoy it and I'm grateful for the option. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I've been doing yoga with Deni Preston on the Total Body Workout program on BYUTV. In January the show was moved to 5 a.m. MT, which does NOT work for me, but I found out I can stream it anytime I want on byu.tv. I've been easing back into it, but looking forward to upping the intensity as I go.

* My little sister went in the MTC last week. I got to go with my parents to put her in. It was neat to be in the MTC again. There's just a spirit about that place that I don't think most missionaries really recognize. I'm more excited for Joy than anything, so I didn't cry much, but when we sang "Called to Serve" for the opening hymn I couldn't hold the tears back for a few minutes. The orientation meeting is about the same as it's been since I was a missionary, just a few different jokes. The movie is getting a little dated though. I think the clothes sister missionaries wear now are both more comfortable and sharper-looking than the ones I wore, and the luggage is tons better--just more convenient and better built. It will be fun to write to a missionary on a regular basis again, and I love hearing my boys pray for "Aunt Joy and Cousin Rex on their missions."

* I should devote a blog to President Hinckley , and maybe I will later, but I was surprised and saddened by his death. I guess it's just that I thought the Energizer bunny would run down before President Hinckley did. But I am glad he didn't have to linger here in bad health. I know he wouldn't have wanted that. I am grateful for his spirit, his wisdom, his humor, his optimism, his encouragement, and his counsel. I will miss him, but I am grateful that Heavenly Father has provided for prophetic succession, so that we will always have a prophet to guide us in these latter-days. What a blessing.

* Because of President Hinckley's death and funeral, my trip to Las Vegas this weekend with my mom and sister and sister-in-law is off. We were going to Timeout for Women, which is now postponed until September. I'm bummed because I was really looking forward to a girls' weekend out of the snow. Oh well. Grandma and Poppa are going to babysit and let Jeff and I have a date night on Friday instead. It doesn't meet quite the same needs that the trip to Vegas would have, but it will still be nice.

Calgon, take me away!

I had one of those mornings that may very well ruin the rest of the day. I haven't gotten over it yet anyway, and it's almost noon. There's no point in reliving the whole story, but suffice it to say that at the very moment my two oldest boys were supposed to be catching the carpool to school, all four boys were crying for four very different reasons. And only the baby's tears were justified--he was hungry. I lost it. I yelled and sent the older ones off to school in tears. Their teachers probably think we're dysfunctional, not to mention the other carpool mom. (But then they have young children too, so maybe they'd understand if I bothered to explain, which I'm not going to do.)

I keep wondering why I get the blame when things are chaotic, and why I get little or no credit when things go smoothly. I love my boys, but I'm frustrated and discouraged and if I wasn't related to these kids I think it would take a six figure income to make it worth my trouble and stress and worry and everything else!

For a long time now I've felt like one of my biggest weaknesses and the thing I need to work on the most is not losing my patience and my temper with my kids. I keep trying, but I don't feel like I'm making any progress. Just telling myself that I've got to stop yelling sure isn't working. The thing is, I think my kids are fairly well-behaved, and I like to think I'm a fairly patient person too. But maybe I'm deceiving myself on one count or the other.

Well, maybe now I've gotten it off my chest enough to go do the laundry. Here's wishing you a better day than mine!

A day in the life...

Sometimes at the end of the day I have to stop and think about what I've done, just to give myself credit for actually accomplishing something.

So here's today:

4 a.m.
Adam woke up and crawled into bed with us because he had a bad dream.

4:30 a.m.
Woke up to Dallin crying--stuck the binky back in and it worked. We both went back to sleep.

5 a.m.
Alarm goes off because Jeff needed to get up early to write a test. I roll over and go back to sleep.

5:45 a.m.
Woke up again and decided not to get up and do yoga at 6 a.m., since I feel like I'm coming down with a cold.

7:05 a.m.
Rolled out of bed, woke up Adam and Ryan, and started the morning routine. Put cereal on the table for breakfast, fixed three lunches, tried not to nag the boys too much to get their clothes on and get ready for school. Looked unsuccessfully for gloves for Adam to wear--it's chilly in the mornings.

7:45 a.m.
Sent Jeff and Adam out the door on their bikes to school. Adam has choir before school on Wednesdays and Fridays.

8:15 a.m.
Sent Ryan out to walk to school with the neighborhood kids. Got Jared out of bed and started him on cereal. Got Dallin up, changed him, and nursed him.

Morning
Helped Jared get dressed. Folded laundry. Unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded the dishwasher, washed pots and pans by hand. Fed Dallin some cereal and fruit. Put him down for a nap. Finished cleaning the kitchen. Took a shower while Jared watched PBS. Moved eleven boxes from the living room to the basement. Moved two boxes from the living room to bedrooms. Unpacked one box. (I'm hoping to have the upstairs settled by Christmas. The basement could take years still.) Dried and curled my hair. Changed a couple more diapers and helped Jared use the bathroom several times. He's not quite completely toilet-trained. (Last night he was saying the prayer for dinner: "Heavenly Father, thank you for the food. Wait, I need to go to the restroom first." I almost fell off my chair trying not to laugh while I told him to finish the prayer first, which he did, then ran to the bathroom.)

Afternoon
Warmed up leftovers for lunch. Fed Dallin some veggies and applesauce. Loaded up the kids in the van and mailed some letters at the post office. Spent $125 on food storage items at the Macey's caselot sale. (The empty shelves in our food storage room and in our new freezer have been begging to feel useful.) Got a workout hefting 20 lb. bags of rice and cases of canned goods. Got home just in time to put the case of frozen orange juice in the mostly empty freezer before putting Dallin and Jared in the jogging stroller to go pick up the neighborhood kids at school. (I take turns with four other moms in the neighborhood. It's a pretty good system.) Gave the kids a snack, then forced them to turn off the TV and go to the library with me. Fed Dallin one more time before we left. Herded four kids through the public library for 30 minutes. Returned home, put Dallin down for a nap, and let the kids go play. Sat down on the couch to read the Ensign magazine that came in the mail.

Evening
Fixed burritos for dinner so we could try out the brand of refried beans that are available at the caselot sale before we buy a whole case of inferior refried beans. Ate dinner, then fed Dallin again. Cleaned up the dishes and kitchen again while Jeff played computer games with the boys. Swept the kitchen floor. (I'm still not sure I like the hardwood floor. It looks really nice, but seems to take more time to clean than linoleum or carpet.) Did the whole bedtime routine and got the bigger kids in bed--late, it's Friday. Sat down to watch TV with Jeff while I nursed Dallin. Put Dallin to bed. Got the modem reset and the DSL reconnected after Dallin pulled the phone line out of the wall. Blogged all of this just for the fun of it. Headed to bed about midnight so I can get up and do it all again tomorrow. Isn't life wonderful?!

Overscheduled vs. Bored

So Ryan and Adam both wanted to play soccer this fall. Ryan was particularly looking forward to it. I printed the registration forms for one league off the Internet back in August, but since it wasn't a city-sponsored league, I wanted to get to our neighborhood and check with other moms to see if their kids played in it before we signed up. So this weekend I finally figured out that it is the league that most kids around here play in. Unfortunately though, I waited too long, the league is halfway through the fall season, and they aren't accepting late registrations at this point. Ryan is so disappointed and I feel really bad.

I feel bad that Ryan's disappointed, but I also feel bad that it's my fault that my kids aren't involved in anything yet. I really don't want to be one of those parents who overschedules their kids with teams and lessons and classes, etc., etc. Doing just baseball in the spring for the last two years made our evening family schedule just crazy. I don't know how parents with more kids, or with kids involved in more activities, do it all.

On the other hand, I want my kids to have the opportunity to try different activities and have the experiences of playing on teams and learning to play musical instruments and all that good stuff. They were an important part of my childhood. And when my boys aren't involved in anything, they watch TV and play video games constantly, and still complain about being BORED. Aaaagh! How do I find a happy medium?! So now I'm thinking about signing them up for a karate class at the rec center....

Still alive, but up to the gills

Wow, a whole month since I've posted. I didn't realize it had been quite that long. I've missed it. We moved into our house two weeks ago and things are still just crazy. I hope I'll feel settled by Christmas. The boxes and cleaning and trying to potty-train Jared are all bad enough, but I haven't even had the Internet to give me a break when I just need to sit down and escape for a few minutes. First we were debating where exactly to put the computer. Then when we finally decided to put it in the family room in the basement, we realized that only three of the seven phone jacks in our house are working, and they are all upstairs. I have DSL ordered, but we're going to have to call in a service tech to fix the jacks next week. I hope I'll be back online by a week from today so I can catch up on my e-mail and blogging and the outside world in general. It's been nice to just hide in my house for a couple weeks and try to get it clean and organized, but it's getting old fast. I'm feeling a little isolated from my "old" friends and feeling the need to get out and make some new ones too. Enrichment Meeting in our new ward is this coming week, so that ought to be a good opportunity. The house will just have to come together eventually. Jeff's new job is going well and keeping him plenty busy. The kids all seem to be adjusting well to their new circumstances also. We really like our neighborhood and they are making friends. More later when I'm connected again!

Family Notes

Dallin turned eight-months-old on the road between Texas and Utah. He started crawling for real on July 18th, now sits himself up and is starting to pull up on furniture. He is becoming very curious and starting to get into things. He has the cutest smile that he shares with everybody.

I expected Jared would have the hardest time with the move since he doesn't quite comprehend what is going on. Actually, he's doing really well as long as he still gets his nap each day. With all the commotion lately he has missed a few, especially while we were packing. Lately he's been saying things like, "Look Mom, we have one of those at home." Interesting how he still has a picture in his mind of what home is, even though he saw the house in Texas all packed up and empty before we moved.

Ryan's eyes have been looking a little square lately. If I'd let him, he'd watch TV or play computer games all day. He also enjoys reading and sports, but will choose an entertainment screen first if he has the choice. I took him miniature golfing yesterday for a little one-on-one "Mommy time." As we were driving home, I asked him how he felt about moving to Utah, going to a new school, making new friends, etc. He seemed okay with all of that, but then asked me, "Mom, do first-graders have to get any shots to go to school?" Good to know his fears are completely normal.

Adam also seems to be dealing well with all the changes so far. He's especially enjoying spending time with grandmas and grandpas and cousins. He's a social kid, always has been, so I really hope he'll find some good friends in our new ward and school. I figure there's always going to be negative influences, so I've been praying for a place to live where there will be good influences on my boys--friends, teachers, Scout leaders, etc.

Jeff and I are hanging in there. We've had plenty of physical and mental stress--lots to do and lots of decisions to make, but so far we're holding up. Jeff is probably holding up better, just because he's been biking and swimming lately and is in better shape than I am. We've both been really tired, but I seem to get there a lot quicker than he does. My lack of stamina is pitiful. Regular exercise will be high on my to do list as soon as we get settled, among other things. As always.

Next, stayed tuned for details of the house hunt.

Boys, Boxes, and Busy-ness

I know my life is busy when what I really want to do is blog or read a book or take a nap rather than doing all that needs to be done. Along with all the normal cooking and cleaning and home management, the kids naturally want Mommy to entertain them constantly now that school is out. I have yet to figure out how summer vacation can be so booooooring. The first week was rough, but I persevered and we at least got into a good morning routine--breakfast, chores, reading, and math or spelling practice--all before we go to swimming lessons at 10:30. They don't grumble about it hardly at all anymore. One thing that is working pretty well is giving them a short list of chores to choose from. I make the list--things that I really need or want done that they are capable of doing--and the older boys each have to pick one. It goes much better when they've chosen what they will do than when I assign something. Even Jared (age 3) is figuring out what morning chores are about. It's fun to see him so excited about helping one of his brothers wash the dishes. So mornings are good, but don't ask about afternoons....

And as if all the normal stuff isn't enough, I started packing boxes a couple weeks ago in preparation for our move, which is just a couple of weeks away now. I've been trying to sort through, throw out, and pack things in the afternoons while Jared and Dallin nap. (Jared is ready to give up naps, but since he doesn't fight them too much, I'm hanging on to them as long as I can--at least until we move.) That means Adam and Ryan spend an awful lot of time in front of movies or video games. Oh well, the mornings aren't a waste. I sometimes feel guilty about not playing with them more, but I just can't entertain and get ready to move at the same time. I've tried paying them to help me pack at the rate of 25 cents a box. That worked okay when we were packing books, which were pretty straightforward, but hasn't lasted as I've moved on to other things. Speaking of boxes of books, we are up to 24 Xerox boxes full, and that's not quite all of them. We aren't called Packers for nothing! Yes, we have a few books, but at least the boxes are easy to stack when it comes time to load the truck. Built-in bookcases will definitely be on the "nice to have" list when we get to the house-hunting stage. Anyway, if I don't post again anytime soon, you'll know I'm just up to my gills in cardboard.

Not enough hours in the day

I've decided recently--not for the first time--that there just aren't enough hours in my day. I need three more hours to sleep and three more hours to get things done--things I really need to do and things I feel like I should do and things I just want to do. I suppose there's a chance I wouldn't be satisfied even with six more hours, but it sure wouldn't hurt. Dallin and I fell asleep on the couch for about a half an hour today, but my nice little nap was negated somewhat by the dreams I was having about what I should've been doing instead of sleeping. :-(

Just for the record, Adam's team lost again tonight, 11-4. So their record is now 5-2. Adam hit two singles, so he's 13 for 15 (.867 batting average, 10 singles and 3 doubles).